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| I miss you like the sun misses flowers, like the sun misses the flowers in the depths of winter, instead of beauty to direct its light to, the heart hardens like the frozen world which your absence has banished me to.
( A Knight's Tale ) In my life, there's been no one like him anywhere.
( Les Miserables ) There is no distance on this earth as far away as yesterday.
--Robert Nathan Happiness depends upon ourselves.
--Aristotle I'd rather die tomorrow
than live a hundred years
without knowing you.
~Pocahontas Well, you're the closest thing I have to bring up in
conversation about a love that didn't last, but I could
never call you mine 'cause I could never call myself yours,
and if we were really meant to be, well then we just defied destiny.
It's not that our love died, it just never really bloomed ''You know that place between asleep?
The place where you remember your dreams?
That's where I'll be waiting. That's where I'll always love you. " hearts will never be practical
until they are made unbreakable.<br />
- the wizard of oz Have you ever been in a room surrounded by people, but still felt alone?
- A Cinderella Story If you never did, you should. These things are fun, and fun is good.
-Dr.Seuss If love be rough with you, be rough with love. Prick love for pricking and you beat love down. -Romeo and Juliet Well, that's what love is like. It makes your heart race. It turns the world upisde down. But if you're not careful, if you don't keep your eyes on something still, you can lose your balance. You can't see what's happening to the people around you. You can't see that you're about to fall.
( Practical Magic )
True love. You know... when you're old and you're wrinkly and you're sitting there gumming your food and your husband looks at you and even though he doesn't see you very well anymore, he can see in your eyes the whole world: the future, the past, everything that was good and even things that were bad, and he can still say, 'There is my queen and what a privilege it has been to love her.'
( Prince Charming ) | | |
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I didn't post this cause you're super important. I posted this because I have alot to say, & this way, I'll get to say exactly what I need to say without interuptions. So, here goes?
You know that pain you felt when "BFF RENATA!!!!" left? Take that, & multiply it by 5. Because not only did you leave, you changed too. & "BFF RENATA!!!!" came back. I have no problem with Renata, cause I don't know her, so who am I to judge her? The issues I have are with you & the person you've become. Its not even issues. Its just alot of pain. & that sounds so emo & stupid, but its true. I think about just kicking you out of my life for good, but I know I couldn't do it. & its not even just about being the way you are. Its about not seeing how much I care about you, & miss you. I'm not lost without, & its not manditory that I have you in my life. But it would be nice. I miss our secret from Kirstie's party, "making-out", the biggest part on you, Gordo, how gross Jake was, & everything else we have. But its obvious that no matter how many times people say they miss you, you're not gonna notice. Because you're to wrapped up in your own shit to stop & look around. The people you used to be friends with? They still love you, & care for you deeply. We all wish that we could say that you felt the same way. But wishing gets old, & you're shit gets tireing. Whatever I say won't have a big effect on you, I know that for sure. Atleast I'm not thinking about all of it all the time anymore. Atleast, now, it won't bother me as much. Atleast it won't bother me as much anymore. Atleast I won't miss you as much anymore... Oh, & don't try saying the same stuff to me as you did to Lauren. Because I know you're bullshit, I've heard enough of it. Great that you're happy, nice to know we just weren't good enough for ya. People tell me stuff about you everyday, & its not cause we're talking smack. Its cause we miss you, care for you, & STILL love you. Don't ever tell me that I don't know who I am or that I've changed. Because you don't know me well enough anymore to know if I know who I am or not or if I've changed. & if I have changed, maybe its helped me be happier than I ever was when you were around. If you try to say that I don't mean any of this, then its just showing me that you don't know me at all. Don't try to act like things haven't changed or like you haven't hurt me or anyone else you USED to hang out with. Because you know its a lie.
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| i am not ready for this to be over. "you! you just don't know how to keep a friend!"
what i said wasn't how i actually felt. his shit isn't all lies, & i know it. he's been pretty real & straight up with me since we met, about almost everything. matt's just lying to me about stuff. & he's cleaning up again, which is good. but that also makes my outburst even more innapropriate & mean.
& i know that he called & we apologized, but i can't stop thinking about it. i just fuck everything up with him, all the time. i can never say the right thing, ever. & at times, i want him so bad. like, not a stupid relationship, because that would be way to hard. i mean i just like... want him. even though i love my boyfriend alot. i've always wanted him like this though, idek. i love him alot. | | |
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I miss "Jessie Quik", the real one, & everything we were. It was a really hard relationship, but it had its moments that I never wanted to end. But, honestly, we lied & cheated each other way to much for it ever to work. I admit that in the begining, I was only there because I had no other friends. But things quickly changed, & I fell so hard for our friendship. It was like I'd never had anything like that. I had never had people be so close to each other. Who could fight about anything & then just forget about it, Who would do anything to protect me from getting hurt, even if it meant saying that they hated me. We all put so much of ourselves into this friendship, & thats why it hurt so much when things didn't work out. I risked & gave up alot for these boys. I went through alot of name calling to hang out with them. But it didn't matter, cause we were supposed to be forever. & after everything, they were supposed to be what I had, & no one else was supposed to matter. I wish that was still true. But then we started lying & changing. We started realizing things, & everything was different. What we had was irreplacable. I'll love each of them forever, & even though they're not "Jessie Quik" anymore, I'm still their number one fan & groupie. | | |
| Um, yeah, their's alot. I miss Seth alot. Not because his best friend's cute or because I'm worried about him. Just because I miss his company, & the stuff he would say, & everything. I wish he was still around. That sounds wierd, because he's only a couple of miles away from me, but it feels like he's thousands. It feels like he distanced himself from everyone, not just me, by getting home-schooled. I hear he was sick, & that he's really messed up lately. I wish I could see him, but I don't when I will. I've got alot of memories with him & pretty long blonde hair. When I see him, I start to shake. He gets me so excited & happy about life, seriously. I just hate all the changing, & how far away he feels. I want him to be close again. It feels like alot to carry with Alex being back in my life, just close enough to love, not close enough to hang out with. Its like things are so close to falling back into place, but their's one thing in between it. ME. & I know I shouldn't let it. SHIT NIGGAZ. FINISH LATER. <3 | | |
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